Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
