What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
