So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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