my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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