its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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