You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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