So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
