I accidentally burped into my bong.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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