Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
