He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
