I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
