i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
