i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
