don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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