I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
