just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
false alarm, still single
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
