new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
