Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
