roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Welp...herpes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
