$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
