mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
