We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
