If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
