She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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