To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I cannot find my penis.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
