did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
