Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
