I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish you could order shots online.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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