Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
