it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
