cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
