the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
