im having a threesome with these popsicles
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
