i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
