my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
