Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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