Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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