last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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