i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
