This girl is more easily done than said...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
