why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
