walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
