you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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