This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
