You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im six kinds of drunk right now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
