i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
