just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
