i just had sex bonerless
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
