its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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