My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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