If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
