and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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