What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I believe in your delicious
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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